I used to be the girl

I used to have this flare
this plan, this idea,
that I was something special
one of the best poets in class
with the most charisma
and the awkward jokes
that everyone seemed to like. I used to
be the girl with the curly hair
who wore layers
about average weight
short but not too short
I used to be the girl who chewed on her pens
bit her nails to get them low
then bit them more to make the
best rainbow shape and I
used to be the girl
who walked through leaves
by herself in the woods dreaming of
her most silly thoughts of dangling
understandings and natural world awe,
she was the one
who sang at the top of the hill
with just an okay voice
way up there where you could see
the lake and the lights at night,
where the stars were bright (she
went up there once to star gaze with a blanket
when she was lonely)
the lyrics were
what's up beautiful world, I love you

And I was the girl who snowshoed
around a tree, creating the enormous word
GOD
in the snow, while hearing the Who on headphones
and I used to be the girl who painted
pictures spontaneously and wrote
poetry deep from the heart, and I
am the girl who wanted everyone to love her
and wanted and believed she could love everyone
and I am the girl who's not sure where
she went years later when she's boiling pierogies
and stoking the woodstove.